Legal
Privacy Policy
How we handle your data. How the dog handles your data. Why these are different things.
Data collection
The dog does not collect data. The dog does not have the infrastructure to collect data. The dog does not know what data is.
The dog’s olfactory system processes approximately 100,000 scent molecules per breath, but this information is not transmitted to any server, cloud, or third party. It is processed locally, in the dog’s brain, and then immediately forgotten, because the dog does not have the neural architecture to store scent data in a format that would be useful to anyone, including the dog.
The dog knows what you had for lunch. The dog will not remember what you had for lunch. The dog is not a surveillance device. The dog is a surveillance device with no storage, no connectivity, and no interest in the findings.
Cookies
The dog does not use cookies. The dog does not have cookies. The dog has treats, which are not the same thing.
Treats are consumed on receipt and leave no trace on the dog’s system. Treats do not track your browsing behaviour. Treats do not personalise your experience. The dog ate the treat. The treat is gone. There is no record of the treat.
This is not data collection. This is hunger.
Third parties
The dog does not share information with third parties. The dog may bark at the postman, but this is not data sharing. This is the postman.
The dog may also react to other dogs, squirrels, birds, reflections, the wind, and things that are not there. None of these reactions constitute data sharing. They constitute the dog being a dog. The dog does not have a privacy policy. The dog does not need a privacy policy. The dog has nothing to hide and nowhere to hide it.
Your data
We — Companion Systems, not the dog — collect your name, delivery address, and payment information when you purchase a dog. We store this information in a filing cabinet in the office above Comfort Underfoot.
The filing cabinet is locked. The key is in a drawer. The drawer is also in the filing cabinet.
Your data is not shared with third parties, with the exception of the carpet shop downstairs, who occasionally receive our post by mistake. The carpet shop does not want your data. The carpet shop sells carpets. They have no use for your delivery address unless you are ordering a carpet, which you are not, because you are ordering a dog.
Contact
Questions about this policy should be directed to our privacy officer, who is also our operations manager, who is also the person who answers the phone when it rings, which is rarely.
The office is open Monday to Friday, 9am to 5pm, unless the carpet shop downstairs is closed, in which case the stairs are locked and we cannot get in. If we cannot get in, we cannot answer the phone. If we cannot answer the phone, we cannot address your privacy concerns. If we cannot address your privacy concerns, your data remains in the filing cabinet, which remains locked, which remains secure. This is not by design. It is by circumstance. The outcome is the same.