joel2.com — Register of Works

REGISTER OF WORKS

joel2.com

An independent register of works, filed for the record by Joel. Maintained in the north of England, without a board of directors.

Register
J2/WR
Entries on file
14
Last filed
30 JUN 2026
Status
Open

CURRENTLY EXHIBITED

Filed product launch Entry 011 THE NEW DOG We reimagined the dog from the ground up. Fewer features. Lower cost. Available in three models: dog SE, dog, and dog Pro. The dog SE has two legs. This is a design choice. Four legs are available on dog and dog Pro, or as an optional accessory. This filing has been moved to the display case. The register does not normally display filings. Filed at the author's insistence under 'product launch'. The register does not adjudicate product categories. See also: fig. 006

THE REGISTER

Entries are listed in reverse order of filing. Numbering is absolute. The most recent filing is fig. 014.

  1. 014 Filed feasibility study FIREPROOF CAT A materials feasibility study into whether the domestic cat can be engineered so as not to constitute an ignition hazard, and at what point it ceases to be a cat. Prepared by the Hadrian Institute, Nuneaton, for an insurer that would like to stop excluding it from cover. The skeleton is fine. Everything else is on fire. Cross-references two other filings. The register considers this excessive but has allowed it. See also: fig. 007, fig. 004
  2. 013 Filed conspiracy THE LAIKA CONSPIRACY She is still up there. She has had a lot of time to think. She has opinions about the euro. She thinks she may have left the iron on. Forwarded more often than it is read, and usually without context. The subject has been notified via decommissioned channels. See also: fig. 003
  3. 012 Filed whitepaper GPT/86 A Turing-complete processor built from an LLM and two API endpoints. Five billion times slower than silicon. It costs ~$5,700 to boot Linux and the calculator sometimes returns 404s. Series A at $40M. Cited in no peer-reviewed literature.
  4. 011 Filed product launch THE NEW DOG We reimagined the dog from the ground up. Fewer features. Lower cost. Available in three models: dog SE, dog, and dog Pro. The dog SE has two legs. This is a design choice. Four legs are available on dog and dog Pro, or as an optional accessory. Filed at the author's insistence under 'product launch'. The register does not adjudicate product categories. See also: fig. 006
  5. 010 Filed wealth management CRESTBRIDGE PRIVATE Your family office in Changsha. A real desk. A real ayi. Your name on the door. She is doing something on the computer. No one asks what. Silver, Gold, or Platinum — the fruit gets better and the Solitaire goes pro. Translated into English from a language the register has been unable to identify. See also: fig. 003
  6. 009 Filed wellness brand CIGARETTES The plant-based vaping alternative. No batteries. No coils. No charging. No e-waste. Just dried leaves, paper, and fire. Available from shops since 1880. We did not invent it. We merely put it on a white background in a clean sans-serif typeface and called it innovation. Carries its own health warning.
  7. 008 Filed screenplay, unproduced BARRY Doncaster, 1986. A man with a phone, a Yellow Pages, and a list of every radiation monitoring laboratory in Europe. His mam wants him off the phone. Filed in the hope that someone would verify the events described. To date, no one has.
  8. 007 Filed brochure NPRP RETREATS The National Pensioner Relocation Programme. Discover purpose, community, and the vast Siberian wilderness. Your next chapter begins in the forest. One case, 23 kg maximum. No visits. Withdrawn from two registries before this one. The reasons are not on record. See also: fig. 014
  9. 006 Filed service GENTLE PAWS A certified therapy dog service providing professional canine-assisted emotional support across the UK. Based in Swindon. Our dogs are selected for their calming presence, their therapeutic intensity, and the sort of eye contact that makes you re-evaluate your entire life. Filed without the knowledge or consent of our insurers, who have since stopped returning calls. See also: fig. 011
  10. 005 Filed screenplay, unproduced BOB A builder from Yorkshire answers a phone call he should not have answered. A washer costs 35p. A digger sinks into the earth, and a woman waits for a phone call that will never come. Filed with redactions requested by a party who was not named and did not ask.
  11. 004 Filed government service GWUSRP A joint DEFRA initiative. Now operational in select postcodes. Complaints in all of them. Wildebeest available on application. Companion filings exist. The register has declined to list them in full. See also: fig. 014
  12. 003 Filed law firm AMBULANCE CHASERS & SONS A full-service law firm with offices in Woking and the Eastern District of Virginia. No case too small. No sentence too long. Subject to a formal removal request from the Eastern District of Virginia. The request itself has been filed. See also: fig. 013, fig. 010
  13. 002 Filed luxury brand VITAL FUR CO. The world's first living-harvest fur company. Free-range bears, pain-free harvesting, and a lifetime care commitment. Certified carbon neutral. From bear to wardrobe in 48 hours. Aurora has given 23 times. She has never once shown reluctance. Removed from three platforms at the request of parties the register is not at liberty to name.
  14. 001 Filed changelog JOEL 2.0 — RELEASE NOTES Comprehensive release notes for the second major version of Joel. Covers breaking changes, deprecated features (knees, metabolism), known issues, and the EULA you agreed to by scrolling this far. The only filing concerning the filer. The register has noted the conflict of interest.

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