Questions and answers.

Yes. Canis familiaris. Biological materials throughout. DNA, cells, organs, the full architecture. We designed it with only the components necessary for domestic companionship, but everything in it is real dog. There is no synthetic substitute. There is no clever engineering workaround. The dog is a dog. It is simply a dog that has been thoughtfully specified.

No. Dog SE is a re-evaluation of what a dog needs. A television does not have a radio built into it. This does not make the television a downgrade from the radio. It makes it a different product designed for a different purpose. We are the first company to acknowledge that dual-layer coats, scent tracking, and four-leg mobility platforms are unnecessary for a dog that will live indoors, in a climate-controlled environment, within three metres of its food source at all times. Dog SE is not a lesser dog. It is a right-sized dog.

Yes. Bipedal architecture. 35% smaller footprint. Eliminates hip dysplasia entirely, as the hip joints responsible for the condition have been removed from the specification. Dog SE stands upright. It sits. It can move short distances within a room. It cannot run, jump, or chase. Our research indicates that 78% of dog owners do not want their dog to run, jump, or chase. The remaining 22% should consider the dog or dog Pro.

We didn’t start with a conventional dog and remove things. We started with the requirements for domestic companionship and added only what was necessary. The result looks like a dog with fewer components because a domestic companionship environment requires fewer components than an outdoor hunting and survival environment. The components that are not present were never installed. Nothing was removed. Nothing is missing. Dog SE is complete as delivered.

Depends on the use case. They are different products for different customers. Dog Pro has the complete feature set — four legs, full vocalisation, outdoor capability, 42 teeth, reinforced skeleton. Dog SE has been optimised for stationary indoor companionship. We sell three models because there are three types of customer. We are not going to tell you which one you are. You already know. You knew before you opened this page.

Loyalty is included with dog Pro and available as an optional add-on for the dog and dog SE. Without loyalty, the dog coexists with you. It is aware of your presence. It does not distinguish you from other presences. With loyalty, the dog demonstrates recognition behaviours when you enter a room. It knows you. It prefers you. It will wait for you. Whether this constitutes love is a philosophical question that we are not equipped to answer. We are a company. Above a carpet shop. In Nuneaton. We sell dogs. The loyalty module works. What you call it is your business.

Standard dog food, available from any shop that sells dog food. Dog SE requires approximately 40% less food than a conventional dog. Dog Pro requires approximately 20% more. Do not feed dog SE the same quantity as dog Pro. Dog SE will eat it. Dog SE will then be unwell. This is not covered by the warranty. The warranty covers manufacturing defects. Overfeeding a bipedal dog with a reduced metabolic profile is not a manufacturing defect. It is a reading comprehension issue. The feeding guidelines are printed on the documentation. They are also available on our website. They are not long.

Yes. 14-day return window. The dog must be returned in its original condition: alive, clean, and with all components present. Modified dogs are subject to a 25% restocking fee. Dogs with the loyalty module activated may complicate the return process, as the dog will recognise you when you attempt to leave it at our office above the carpet shop. Three customers have initiated the loyalty return process. Zero have completed it. We consider this a testament to the product.

Yes. Place food nearby. If the food disappears within 24 hours, dog SE is functioning normally. If the food does not disappear, contact support. We will send a replacement dog and a pamphlet about realistic expectations.

That is outside our product range. The cat already runs the most efficient architecture in domestic animals. It sleeps 16 hours a day, grooms itself, and uses a designated waste facility. There is nothing to remove. There is nothing to optimise. The cat is the final form. We respect this. We also find it threatening.

Companion Systems. Registered in England and Wales. Our office is above a carpet shop in Nuneaton called Comfort Underfoot. They are very nice about the stairs. The carpet shop has a website. The website has a phone number. We answered it once. The person on the other end asked if we sold actual dogs. We said yes. They hung up. We consider this market validation.

No. We have been asked this before. The Government Wildebeest Relocation Programme is a separate entity that deals with wildebeest. We deal with dogs. The two are not related, despite both involving animals, Nuneaton, and a degree of public confusion about what the government is doing with animals in the West Midlands. We are a private company. The wildebeest programme is a government service. We do not relocate wildebeest. We do not know who does. We have not asked. We do not want to know.